Pink Warrior
by Johanna-002
Summary: "When someone has cancer, the whole family and everyone who loves them does, too." –Terri Clark. In Honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month- Clarisse's story. Please Read & Review. Complete.


**Title:** Pink Warrior

**Summary:** "When someone has cancer, the whole family and everyone who loves them does, too." –Terri Clark. In Honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month- Clarisse's story.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Princess Diaries, nor do I own Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, I also do not own any of the Cast members. They belong to Meg Cabot and Disney & all of the other respectful owners. I do however own my writing, so please don't steal Johanna-002©.

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_ ~Dedication~_

**_In Loving Memory,_**  
**_My beautiful, wonderful, grandmother,_**  
**_Breast Cancer has taken her from my life, but not from my heart._**  
**_I wish you could see me now and all the things I have accomplished._**  
**_I love you to the sky and beyond!_**

_**2/13/55-8/21/09**_

-01-

Dear Diary,

February 14th was the day that changed everything. It was the day my wonderful husband Joseph saved my life. I'd noticed the lump before but I'd kept dismissing it. I'd lost quite a bit of weight in the seven months since I had remarried, and I loved my new figure! I thought my bust had changed due to my weight lose.

That day however, as me and my husband shared a wonderful Valentines Day breakfast in bed, focusing more on loving one another intimately then the chocolate chip pancakes and strawberries that were sitting on the bedside table, Joseph noticed the lump for the first time. It worried him. That afternoon I made an appointment with the doctor just to put his mind at rest.

I knew it was nothing but I went along just to placate him. During my initial appointment the doctor examined the lump and exclaimed "It's quite large, isn't it?" He wanted to refer me to have a scan and he told me that he was going to treat it as cancer so that I'd get seen quicker.

That was the first time I thought it might be serious. I began to panic. The next day I went to the Rutgers Alley Clinic for a mammogram. Joseph insisted on coming with me although I knew nothing was wrong, and I kept reassuring him it was fine. After the scan we were in the waiting room when I overheard the nurses urgently talking about getting the doctor to perform a biopsy on a woman. I looked around and realized we were the only people in the waiting room and she was talking about me; my heart sank. They performed a biopsy on me and shortly after told me the two words no one ever wants to hear.

_It's cancer.  
_  
I wasn't ignorant to the risks of cancer, it had taken my brilliant sister from me when she was just 35 but in her case it was Uterine Cancer. I'd always taken care to have regular checks and smears done, but I never imagined _I'd_ get breast cancer.

We left in an emotional state of shock and went home to tell my beautiful and sweet granddaughter... I knew I would also have to get in touch with the church and get a hold of Pierre. Joseph had offered to tell Amelia for me but I knew I had to tell her myself. The look on her face when I told her will never leave me; I thought my heart was going to break as the words left my mouth. I hated hurting her so much. Knowing how much both she, Pierre and Joseph loved me made me determined to be strong and fight this so I didn't have to hurt them any more than I had to.

I had a few days to decide the course of treatment I wanted to take, mastectomy and chemotherapy or chemotherapy first to shrink the lump followed by surgery to remove it. I decided that I just wanted the cancer out of me as fast as possible and a mastectomy was the right course of treatment for me; the operation was scheduled for a few weeks time. I was inundated with flowers, messages of support and visit from just about everyone in Genovia; I had even gotten some support from government officials in neighboring countries. I was genuinely touched that all these people thought enough of me to reach out to me at that time, it was overwhelming and it really helped.

I've never been as scared as I was the day I walked into that hospital for my operation. I thought a lot of my sister that day, the thought of her gave me strength that I never knew I had. Pierre, Joseph, his sister Simone, and Amelia came with me to support me. They were wonderful.

The hardest part was leaving Joseph as they took me into the OR. The next day when my surgeon visited me on the ward to tell me that he'd taken the cancer away and it was all gone was the greatest feeling. The relief was overwhelming. He had removed my right breast and nine lymph nodes, six of which were cancerous; but I didn't care, the main thing was the cancer was gone!

A few days after the operation I was able to come home to be with the people I love. I was tired, sore and emotional but it felt great to be home. A few weeks after the operation I had finally worked up the courage to show Joseph my scar.

I was so worried, I cried all day, but I needn't have been, he really is the loveliest, kindest man ever. His first words were "Honestly, my love, it's not that bad… it's not a lot different really!" How I loved him for that. I slept well that night, I just need my husband, nothing else matters.

After my surgery I was fully diagnosed as having Invasive DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma in Situ) grade 2. My oncologist prescribed a course of treatment which included six chemotherapy treatments, three weeks of radiotherapy, five years of hormonal therapy (Tamoxifen) and a year's treatment of Herceptin. There were also steroids and Trazodone for my anxiety, although they came later – I felt like a walking medicine cabinet.

One of my first fears about having chemotherapy was that I was going to loose my hair. I really didn't want Joseph, my son, and the people who cared about me to see me like that as I knew it would upset them. I hated the thought of causing them more pain than they were already going through. It wasn't just about them however, it meant a lot to me too.

It wasn't vanity, it was the fear of standing out, people looking at me and knowing at first glance what was going on in my life.

My chemotherapy started a few weeks after the operation. I remember when my sister had it some thirty years ago and it made her really ill, I was expecting the same to happen to me. I wasn't looking forward to it but in some ways it felt as though it was a small price to pay in exchange for getting better.

The chemotherapy was going to kill all the cancer cells and make sure I was free of cancer, if that meant being ill for six months it was worth it. I had six treatments in total three weeks apart. Thankfully I wasn't as sick as my sister had been. For me, I generally felt bad a few days after the chemotherapy was administered for a couple of days. I'd get tired, achy, almost flu-like, and I had terrible mouth ulcers which used to get me down. I'd try to be brave and not complain for the sake of my family but some days it was hard. I hated feeling like a burden to them and Joseph.

With the treatment, came my hair loss. I cried for days. I had been advised by some wonderful women to just go ahead and shave my head, because it was not something you wanted to see on your pillow in the morning.

My husband is probably the most amazing man in the world. He would hold me for hours at a time as I cried for my hair, he would tell me it was okay and that I was beautiful in any light. I know he really loves me, and that he meant evey word.  
A few days after I had one of my treatments, my husband entered my safe haven- the garden- He was bald! Sure, he already had a receding hair line, but he no longer even had that! Behind him where eight security personnel- they too were bald! Moments later, Amelia, Charlotte, Shelia Motaz and some of the palace maids walked out- All the ladies were rocking a very short and cute pixie, no longer than an inch in length. I couldn't believe it.

The thought of Joseph, my son and daughter, made me determined to be strong and continue with the treatment, but also I wanted to do it for me.

After the chemotherapy I had three weeks of daily radiotherapy. Each session was 10 minutes long but I had no side effects or problems from that what so ever. I'm now coming up to the end of my year-long course of Herceptin. That feels like a lifeline to me, I'm scared when I finish the treatment the cancer will come back again. I've always thought that once you've got cancer you've got it for life and it never goes away; My doctor has told me that is simply not true it can go away. But the fear is still with me, I pray every night that I'm going to be ok. People say it will get easier, and I hope it will, but I'm scared of dying.

My Macmillan nurse, Anessa, has been amazing; she's always there whenever I have a question or concern. I'm convinced every pain, ache, lump, bump and bruise is more cancer in me and it's driving me mad! I'd phone her for the most ridiculous reasons but she always understands.

I learned to use the internet just to go on and look up at what was happening to me and at times it was helpful, but sometimes it would upset me. It's a double edged sword, there are some helpful resources out there but others are terrifying. I also found that I had different advice from different doctors. I was desperate to be off all the drugs so I stopped taking my Trazodone because I was determined to fight this on my own.

I told my GP, General Practitioner, I'd stopped taken them and she thought it was brilliant, she told me she was really pleased with me. A few days later I was really ill, going crazy with anxiety and fear. I went for an appointment with my Oncologist and she could tell immediately that I'd stopped taken them. She was so cross with my GP for telling me it was okay to stop taking them. I started taking them again and I felt better immediately.

Cancer doesn't stop you from being you. During my treatment I was still a wife, mother, grandmother, friend and woman. I still worried about the charities I participated in, my friends and their problems, making sure that my husband wasn't feeling neglected or burdened by me.

I used to make sure I did as much as I could- participating in what I could and having outings with my family the day before my chemotherapy when I had the most energy. I even got worried when the drugs made me gain a bit of weight and made me look puffy! Looking back now I can't believe it worried me, but it did.

The next step for me now is breast reconstruction surgery. Joseph and my family have asked me not to do it because they're worried about the risks involved, but I've got to have it done for my own reasons. I've got no doubts about the procedure; I know I'll be fine but emotionally I can't stay the way I am. I hate looking at myself in the mirror; not having a breast makes me feel like a freak. When I first had my prosthesis fitted and I looked into the mirror it felt great because it looked like I hadn't had the operation.

I just want to be normal again!

I had a large number of friends, employees, and my family who helped me through this. I hope they all realize just how much their love, care and support meant to me. I wouldn't have been able to face this without them. Once a month we used to plan something I could look forward to; seeing a show, going out for the day; it helped immensely. Spending time with my friends and family and talking about anything but cancer helped me to forget about it for just a few hours. Putting a brave face on for people takes a lot of energy, it's emotionally draining.

It's never going to be out of my life. I've had it, it's been taken away, it's over; but it's never going to be gone, the emotional and physical scars will always be with me. I'm determined to make something positive out of my experience and if writing this story helps one person then something good will come of it. Positive things have come out of it for me also; I appreciate the simpler things in life more and things don't worry me as much as they used to. It's helped me to recognize just how lucky I am to have my family. I feel very blessed indeed.

I am now three years cancer free!

-The Pink Warrior

**Author's Note: **This story ended and Clarisse survived, however most stories do not end with a survivor.

It pains me to say that I lost my grandmother to this horrible disease. Cancer is no joke. While I am a BC Awareness Supporter, I am also a Colon Cancer Awareness supporter. My grandfather's life has been threatened by Colon Cancer, but I'm proud to say he is now 4 years Cancer Free! I will never stop spreading the word of awareness. I will _forever_ be supporting the fighters, survivors, and praying for the taken.


End file.
